The Temporary Nature of Friendships

One can’t argue with this… friends can walk away. They can “ghost” each other. They can grow apart.  They can get in a fight and decide not to work things out. They can listen to a third party who tells them something inaccurate about their friend, and somehow it becomes the truth.

It doesn’t feel like you can say the same about familial relationships. I am sure it happens; I know for a fact it does happen, but the above seems true mainly for non-blood related friendships.

All I have are non-blood related relationships.

I give everything to my friendships. I give of myself honestly and fully. My friends must hear the details of my stories that other women may only feel comfortable sharing with their mom or sister. This is something I must live with. Women have a lot that needs to be said out loud!!

Sometimes it doesn’t work out perfectly, even with this dedication to my friendships. Friends do grow apart. Sometimes it’s inevitable. I fear these situations happening in my future, I get anxious that one of my close friends and I will fall prey to something listed above. I am anxious for the future of my close friendships, which are in near perfect condition today.

I fear that I am holding these friendships too close because of how they’re my ultimate and my only in life. Do my friends feel too much pressure being close friends with me? Does being my friend feel like a responsibility?

I remember when my mom died I recently became close with a friend, and she and her husband came to my mom’s shiva nearly every day. My heart swelled at how important I felt to this couple. They were grieving with me. They were a part of why I didn’t feel all alone in those first few weeks. We continued to be friends for the next year and then I felt a strong pullback when my daughter was born. This couple suddenly seemed too busy for me. What did I do? Is there something I didn’t do? I took it really hard. This was a friend that was at my mom’s shiva and gave me her heart, or so it seemed. Maybe it was simply us growing apart. I honestly do not miss our friendship all these years later, but I do remember how much it hurt then. And why it hurt so badly.

In fact, I think the situation created some PTSD in me. Will these feelings of hurt happen again? I’ve been ‘abandoned’ by my parents and through other friendships that have fizzled out. But I am 38 years old and I want my friends today to be my friends ‘til the end. I am really scared of it not working out this way.

Before posting this article, I read it to one of my closest friends of more than 10 years. She had such wonderful responses that made me feel so loved. She said she doesn’t feel like it’s a pressure to be my friend, and she wants to be there for me in the extra ways that I need it. She reminded me how I always say I don’t want to be pitied, and she said she never pities me, but she respects me so much. She said that while it is no consolation, she reminded me that all the people in my life choose to love me. It took significant energy to read this article to her, but the feedback she gave me showed me why I do feel so lucky everyday to have such wonderful friends in my life. This is my blessing 🙂